


Hold You

by Chainlocker



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: 1000 word challenge, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Modern AU, No Dialogue, Random & Short, Short One Shot, and now here we are, literally woke up and went 'well guess it's time to write a mini fic', more like friends with benefits to lovers I guess, this baby has so little editing done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21802861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chainlocker/pseuds/Chainlocker
Summary: Aleksander doesn't know how to feel about Alina. He aches for her, he hates her for it. But he wants nothing more than to be with her, always.
Relationships: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	Hold You

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway so this is just a jumbled up mess of short ass scenes that were mostly inspired by Hostage by Billie Eilish because hhh it gives me hard Alarkling feels tbh and I'm a glutton for pain and angst so like. Hope you guys like my bullshit, lmao. Nothing really goes into specifics about world/situation but just know that this is like, friends with benefits to lovers I guess?? And of course Aleksander is a rich fuck

He let her go again.

Aleksander watched the fabric of her dress shift, listened as she zipped it up herself. Watched with his eyes mostly closed as she touched up her makeup, worriedly brushing her fingers over the place where a bite mark had been left just under the edge of her dress.

The only goodbye he got was a brush of her fingers over his shoulder before she stepped out of the door, leaving him tucked under the covers they had shared.

He kicked the blankets off the moment the door clicked shut behind her, preferring the cold of her absence over the lingering heat of what he missed so dearly.

~~~

She was the one to hold him now, to pull him back the moment he tried to move. He tried to refuse, to not give into it, but it felt right. Alone with her, watching the way her brown hair spread over her own pillow as her limbs curled around him to hold him securely.

He pressed a kiss to her shoulder, sighing as he relaxed back into her grip. He didn’t know what Alina made him feel - frustration, confusion. Desire, lust. He didn’t know what to do when she planted a kiss to his neck in return, a small sigh at her lips as she relaxed.

But this felt right, to be close to her. It felt right to have her skin pressed against his, and she was so heartachingly  _ beautiful. _ He wanted to whisper it into her ear every waking moment of his life.

~~~

And now there were tears in her eyes, angry even as she leaned against him, her words trying to push him away.

His heart thumped, clenching painfully, and he didn't let her go. He wanted to crawl into her life, to exist in every little cranny available to him where he could have her. But the way he snapped, the way his jealousy cracked like a whip the moment he saw her with someone else. A beautiful, hazel-eyed man that was too charming.

It hurt, it  _ hurt, _ until he was alone. Alone with her, alone with their voices bouncing off the walls of the home that felt too empty without her.

He wanted to keep her here, keep her tied to his wrist, keep her carefully in a box where her light wouldn't seep into the rest of him. Wanted to keep her a prisoner to her feelings, a hostage to his needs.

He wanted to give her everything she had ever dreamed of.

~~~

Instead, he gave her a small place that she insisted on. Too far from him, the voice in his chest screamed. Too far to touch, but maybe that's what she wanted. To be just a little too far for him, to make him either stretch his boundaries for her or prove that…

That what? That she didn't have him, utterly, completely? What a foolish girl.

~~~

Metallic gold flashed at her fingertips, still not quite dry from where she had dipped them in paint in thought. Part of her process, she said.

But then she swiped fingertips across his lips, and she had given him a smile that had him shuddering. So weak for her.

He wanted to tell her how much be cared. That she owned him, irretrievably.

Instead he kissed her, hungry and heated. Not minding the paint between their lips, not minding the gold that smeared across his face as her hand found his cheek instead. He kissed her so that he couldn't speak, couldn't reveal his innermost thoughts that were destroying him.

~~~

A new gold chain hung at her neck as she slipped his shirt over her head. It wasn't from him, but too expensive to be something she bought herself.

Jealousy had him wanting to curl his fist around the delicate thing, to snap it from her and kiss the skin where it touched. Instead he focused on the way his shirt seemed to fall from her shoulders, amusingly ill-fitted but endearing all the same. Because they had ruined her dress. So she'd wear a shirt of his, the leggings she had worn the night before.

He wanted her to keep it. To have it tucked into the drawers of her dresser.

Would she sleep in it? Bury her face into the cloth to capture his own scent? He'd done so to the place in his bed that she always ended up occupying, when she was able to spend the night.

How desperate he was for her. She would never need to know how carefully he stayed to the side of the bed that she left for him now, not wanting to disturb the little that she had left behind.

How weak.

~~~

He wanted to crush her into the mattress. He wanted to steal every part of him back from her that she had stolen from him. He wanted to steal her soul, keep her close to his heart and make her stay.

He wasn't aware of how he murmured to her in his sleep.

Stay, stay, stay.

He didn't realize how weak she was for him as well, when she heard him and his voice breaking even in his dreams.

Yes, yes. I will.

_ Please. _

_ I promise. _

What he saw was the way she dragged herself away from him every morning, the way she stayed wordless when he so desperately wanted her to say something. He didn't see the way she lingered just outside the door as if she wanted to turn back, didn’t see the way her mind froze at every opportunity to speak of the feelings held just behind her tongue.

~~~

He loved her, intensely. Fiercely. Irretrievably, he would be weak for her. Always.

But now she was his, and the ache in his chest abated when he could see the marbled silver band around her finger. Not the way most people started something as small as a relationship. But he needed that something to see, to know she was his.

**Author's Note:**

> Look I know that half of this probably doesn't make any sense whatsoever but I had feels and I thought that I would have fun sharing lmao
> 
> ALSO be aware - no this isn't... a very healthy dynamic that they have going on. But honestly like, that's kind of a trademark Alarkling thing because my dear Aleks is not one to have a normal healthy relationship, RIP. But hopefully he'll learn as he goes along... that's what I think, at least.


End file.
